Top Tips for Toddlers
Children naturally repeat behaviour that gets them attention. If children get a strong reaction from you when they are misbehaving they will soon learn that this is a powerful way to get your attention for themselves. We are all busy parents and often let a child play quietly while they are being good but only intervene when they misbehave.
If you give a child praise when they are being good they are more likely to repeat the behaviour. For example if child is building with bricks while mum feeds the baby – tell him he is being very grown up to manage all by himself – or what a fantastic model he has managed to make all by himself. He will be more likely to repeat that behaviour.
Give them ways to feel in control
Being a Toddler is a mix of dependence and the desire for independence. They need positive ways to feel independent or they will find their own ways to feel in control – often leading to a battle of wills.
Find ways to get them involved - for example little jobs like putting their own clothes in the laundry basket at bath time. Often we do a job ourselves because it is quicker but the child could do it by themselves and feel proud of their effort. Let them carry something for the baby or play at looking after a baby doll all by themselves – for example to wash the doll while parent gives baby a bath they feel important and ‘grown up’
Find ways to give choices
If you tell a Toddler its time to put on shoes their first reaction will often be to refuse and try to control the situation by choosing to say “no”. If you bring the shoes and ask – “which foot is going to go first?” they can have some control and you both win!
Say what you want to happen
All children do things that we wish they didn’t! If you find you are constantly telling your child to “stop it or don’t” it can be exhausting for both of you.
Young children find it hard to process a negative sentence like “don’t touch the oven” – a bit like saying “don’t look now!” – your first reaction is to turn around and look. Try to think about what you actually want to happen and say this in a simple way for example, “Keep back from the oven”.
Have a good sleep routine
A child who is tired will be less able to control his frustration during the day.
However, getting a good bedtime routine is not easy. Everyone has had a busy day and feels tired. If you suddenly stop an active child and say its time for bed, your child is more likely to react by saying “no” leading to a battle of wills.
Start your bedtime routine with plenty of time before actually going to bed. Offer choices such as a story or a quiet activity to do together before bath time. Let your child have choices such as red pyjamas or blue pyjamas/ red cup or blue cup for his milk/ which toys to have in the bath so he feels involved. After the bath establish your own personal ritual such as
- One story
- One toy to cuddle
- One song
- Kiss goodnight
- Say “Love you, see you in the morning”
Do not get involved in a conversation after this.
If your child gets out of bed gently return him to bed, settle him without talking and then repeat the kiss and say “Love you, see you in the morning”.
At first you may need to return your child on many occasions but if you persist and are consistent he will learn that he will not get more attention after you have said goodnight.
